grandma shit on top of the toilet
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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