Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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