bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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