Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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