I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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