you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
