Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
