I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
