halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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