I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
