It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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