oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
