He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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