spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
