I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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