I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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