my mouth tastes like poor choices
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
