I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i need some magic done to my vagina
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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