I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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