Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
BRING THE BAGELS
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
