You don't have asthma, your pregnant
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
