my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
