The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
