So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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