So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
