this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
