I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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