You work out of a Hotel?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
