I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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