hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
