Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
