I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
