I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
