My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
