She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
