If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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