waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
