well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
