his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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