Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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