So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
