i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
