I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
