God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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