I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
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I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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