they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
