found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
