So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
