Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
