Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
