Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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