Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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