on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
A bitchslap is in order.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
