For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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