how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
