Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
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