I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
