***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm jealous of your bromance
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
