nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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