Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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