dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
