End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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