I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize